Motivation

TIRED

 

 

 

 

 

I remember a very, very long time ago in which I had a continuous moment in my 2nd or 3rd classroom. I had no idea this action was bad, but I just kept doing it over and over again. If anything, I was basically a young Michael Bay and, my huge 12 inch penis (Okay, not that big. Not yet at that time) could be “The Transformer” series. Basically, while I was younger, I had a strange habit of placing my right hand inside my pants and holding my dick. Yeah, I know. I would just do this repeatedly without rhyme or reason. But, I knew to this day because I still do it that, the shit felt good. Hell, we as men just love touching our dick. No, I am not trying to say “All men” so I don’t feel bad about being alone. Ladies, we grab the dick and it makes us feel good. Especially when you are not around and Dani Daniels pretends she is our girlfriend for a hour…. Or, 15 minutes to be real. Anyway yes, I use to like placing my small hand in my pants while I held my dick. I was so aloof and oblivious to it being bad I can only imagine now what the reaction of the little white girls around me were. Had I done that now, I probably would have her bent over a Dora the Explorer desk as her forehead banged repeatedly on her Hello Kitty Lunchbox. But yes, I enjoyed it and couldn’t understand  why it was bad. Especially sense I had a white female teacher. If anything now, I am sure she would of at least touched it and say “Aww. This little inches can’t do much to kill me. Call me when you are working with a OJ”. My parents or my mother really I am sure had that awarded talk with my teacher about it. I still think about that look she gave me. Looking back on it now and thinking about the last time I caught her and my father having sex, she may of thought my sexual skills may be called into question already at a early age. Like father like son works and also doesn’t in this situation. But being realistically I knew it was a look of anger and confusion. I stopped sometimes but still kept doing it. I love it. It felt perfect during the winter season. I am just glad I didn’t know what masturbation was. Giving out high fives would of been seen as child abuse if my comedic intelligence was on point back then. 

Yes, I stood out a lot back then. It was in a strange way, yet I still stood out. I even remember the one time I had my hand inside of my pants. This was a good one too. My hand was in there snugged time, and I was listening to a story the teacher was reading. Had I been accustomed to porn back then, this would of been a great jump off point to lotion city and tissue ave. She seen this as our eyes connected. Sometimes I look like a black Dirty Harry when I stare at people. So just imagine how that looked while being black and my hand was in my pants  as I stared at a white female teacher. Thank god it was a female tho. My wrestling love later in the years would of been called into question when I said “SUCK IT” while cheering a man on in small tights that got sweaty with other men. Anyway, she got grabbed my arm, and yanked it out of my pants as she made me sit down. It was embarrassing somewhat, yet I still managed to get giggles from girls and snickers from the boys. Looking back, I started to see that moments like that made my ass stand out in a majority all white school besides my skin color and hair. I wasn’t popular, but I had a great group that just loved to hang around me. I thought it was because of me being me and somewhat it was, but also because I always did weird and out the box shit at times. I, of course was in the beginning stages of losing myself as their clown, but I still enjoyed it. I pissed of teachers and made friends in the process. All while I was being my young self. I had no concern about what other people thought around me. I just didn’t give a fuck. Them liking me didn’t define me. I loved cartoons, putting my hand in my pants, and sitting next to little white girls. Its no shock I became a Kobe Bryant fan later in life.  

 

 

The point of this post besides talking about my penis and my enjoyment of making people laugh about it like a SPH porn series, is to highlight the fact that back then I was just being me and not trying to fit in. And, it worked. It worked well. Yes, I being a clown and doing weird shit, but nonetheless it was me. Not something I copied on TV. Later in life all that occurs and I think it ruins the character of a person if it is not digested properly. I say this because coming to terms with the red pill a few years ago as inspired me to want to write this blog. I felt like I had so many ideas and concepts I could offer to the blogging world. Ever since that incident with a female years back I had this urge to express myself and understand life. Around this time, I got a wake up call about family, friends, life, etc. It all came at my at one time and it was a shock to the system. I had no way of talking about this with anyone. I remember getting looks from family when they used to whisper about what happen with that female back then and get looks of shame and head shakes. I had no idea this was a bad thing, yet I had no one there to speak to me about it. I had my cousin show me some things, but he did it in a way that was more convert than overt. Almost as if to say, “You have to do the rest on your own”. I thank him for that to this day. That day lead me to the blogging world and made me want to write. I soaked up everything I could and in the process I started to emulate the ideas from the writers and the moves from PUAs without really figuring it out why it worked. I was becoming a copycat. Yes, my ideas I feel are original, but my style as I look back on my posts doesn’t feel like me. I love all my posts but none of them stand out more than this one, and this one as well . These stand out because I am just being raw and upfront about how I feel. I am not trying to sound like every blogger out there, and instead speaking in a way that is more comfortable to me. I want to write in that style a lot more going forward. I am tired of trying to be like everyone else. I have this parody account I am using just for fun, yet I managed to get followers more quicker than my original Twitter that I use now. I couldn’t get it. I write some off the all offensive things on that account, yet it is also honest. Not all of course but more so honest. I managed to get more followers in a shorter time than the time I had and still do struggle with when it comes to my normal twit. Yes, I know Twitter shouldn’t be a standard to use, yet it made me see how much more fun and easy it is to write when I don’t place restriction on me so I can be like everyone else. I like saying “Fuck”, “Bitch”, “Ass”, “Shit”, “Motherfucker”, etc. I hold back on those words so I can be more professional, yet how does that sound if I want to continue to polish my comedy? Technically yes I should be getting better in writing, but not at the expense of my freedom of speech. Sometimes you just need a few fucks and motherfuckers to express a point. 

So going forward, I want to focus more on being myself and expressing my views in a way that sounds like I would express it if I was in conversation. No, I am not going to fall victim to “Yo ma, word sun. I hav lik, somthang to say yo lik, bruh, peek this out” type of writing that my black people, and also some other races to also fall victim to. Nothing wrong with that style, but my English teacher would kill me if she saw me writing that way. Yet, in this day and age that might get flipped to a role play scene in which she gets more black in a tight space like the HBO series of “OZ”. So yes going on my writing will be more #NOFLITER than trying to sound like something I am not. My ideas will still be easy to grasp and clear to read, yet it will be more me than trying to fit in. Thank you again to all my viewers and followers. I appreciate and am thankful for all of you. I am still surprised you like this shit.  

 

 

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Categories: Motivation, Personal, Writing

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